where I have been.... :)

As you can tell from the picture above (of our son!), I am pregnant (24 weeks to be exact) with baby #2. I had hyperemesis again from week 5.5 to about week 13, but praise G-d that's over! I will be writing about that soon in a post. Thank you for your prayers, and I hope to get back to blogging very soon! :)

hoping for the best, preparing for the worst

Having three good friends who are currently pregnant, pregnancy is once again on my mind… and G-d willing, perhaps I will be experiencing it again for myself someday soon. However, while I am NOT pregnant and still thinking somewhat clearly, I wanted to list some ideas that I or others have had to make pregnancy a little easier for those of us who seem to have our fair share (or more) of morning sickness. Even if, and I would welcome it with open arms, I am not as sick with my next pregnancy (bizrat HaShem), this list and the preparations required could never be in vain because it may prove helpful to someone else out there. So here goes:



Preparing the home:
 When I was pregnant, there were SO many things even at home that I could not stand the smell of, and now living in a small apartment with downstairs neighbors, I anticipate the situation being even worse for a sick pregnant woman. There are things that are out of our control, namely how our husbands smell (which really bothered me) or what the neighbors are cooking for dinner (which fills my tiny bathroom). However, for those that we control, perhaps it will lessen the impact of pregnancy nausea. Here are some ideas that have been rattling around in my head:


Personal care products: try using fragrance-free hand soaps and dish detergent. Many companies make them now (Method), for which I am grateful, and I wish that I had thought of this when I was sick because one of the worst smells I dealt with was the hand soap in my own bathroom. For whatever reason, it was absolutely disgusting, and to this day I REFUSE to buy that scent ever again!! And if you are like me, I didn’t even like the feel of soap on my hands, so I am now looking for fragrance free foaming soap.


I hated having to brush my teeth because it made me more nauseous, but in thinking about it, perhaps the worst part was having to spit out the toothpaste. Now that I have a toddler, I know that fluoride free and “safe to swallow” toothpaste is available (Orajel training toothpaste, J*A*S*O*N brand). So yes, I will be using fruity flavored toddler toothpaste… and swallowing it. :) I have a friend who was able to use orange flavored toothpaste and/or mouthwash, which might be easier to handle than regular mint toothpaste as well.


Body wash (mine and my husband’s) and deodorant did not smell good to me at all either. I’m sure I can find some baby wash/shampoo that is all-natural and fragrance free (or just use the hand soap, who cares!), so my whole family will be using that if it comes down to it!


There are several fragrance-free cleaners available for anything that needs to be cleaned around the house. I use Seventh Generation all-purpose cleaner, and Green Works makes free and clear dish soap and cleaners as well. Free and clear detergent, which I use on little baby clothes anyway, will remove that smell from my clothes, which also bothered me.


The dreaded vitamins: Because my nausea was so severe, I was unable to take prenatal vitamins for many weeks, so my home nurse actually suggested children’s vitamins. If you are able to keep your vitamins down, then continue taking those, but if not, ask your doctor about taking children’s vitamins, which taste much better and come in fruit flavors. I took chewable ones the last time, but I have also discovered some kosher gummies kid’s vitamins that I will try if I need to. They are available on http://www.diapers.com/ and are made by Natural Kingdom. Because they are for children (and not pregnant women), I was informed that I needed to take 4 or 5 a day, so check with your doctor.

Mask it: Having a little one now to care for, I know that the next pregnancy will be a lot different. I don’t look forward to changing diapers, cleaning up messes, or G-d forbid, cleaning up bodily fluids other than my own! So I am planning to wear a mask, possibly live in it, to hopefully mask some of the toddler (and food) smells that will be prevalent. If you find something that DOES smell good to you, put it on the mask if possible. I don’t recall anything smelling “good” to me, except that one time my nephew brought a hotdog with mustard on it into my hospital room, but that was probably because I was on heavy medication and starving to death…. Nevertheless, I do remember that the hospital was one of my favorite places to be at that time because of its sterility and lack of strong odors. How to replicate that at home, I do NOT know! I foresee my husband and daughter having to eat in another room FAR away from me, but it is what it is, and it’s only temporary.

Preparing yourself and your family:
As far as preparing yourself, it seems that all we can really do is pray and patiently wait and see what pregnancy may bring. Each one is different, and each woman is different. Going into it "blind" with my first pregnancy and not having any idea of how sick I could actually get was tough, and I hope that this information will be helpful to those who are in, or preparing for, their first pregnancy. I certainly feel a little more prepared and confident in making it through another pregnancy, even if it is just as bad this time around, because I have an idea of what to expect.

Communicating (and sharing) this list with your husbands (and older children) is very important as well. Men and children can't really be expected to understand what it feels like to be (constantly) nauseous and pregnant, so all they will know is what we tell them. And believe me, I know, the best time to tell them is NOT when you are in the midst of your suffering. Talking was not high up on my list, because as anyone knows, talking make nausea worse! Perhaps make additional lists of items, products, noises, etc. that make you feel worse and give it to them. I remember very clearly how I felt when my husband cooked those scrambled eggs in the kitchen (with no warning to me) while I was sick on the couch, and then tried to get rid of the smell by using an air purifier that made the house smell like chlorine.... I literally wanted to hurt him, but I'm sure he won't do it again. ;) Our loved ones need to know how severely smells can affect pregnant women who, by the way, have the ability to detect the same scents as a hound dog so that they can "smell danger"! Oftentimes, I wished to lose my ability to smell  when I was pregnant, but G-d made it this way for a reason. It's up to us to communicate how we're feeling and how our family members can help, and hopefully, they will try their best to do what they have to do to help.

For those who are currently pregnant and sick, I wish you all the best and pray you feel better soon. And if even one of these ideas help one pregnant woman feel a tiny bit better (even if it's me!), then this entry has served its purpose. For anyone preparing to become pregnant, it never hurts to be prepared. Just as we used to do in Florida when a hurricane is on its way, we hope for the best and prepare for the worst. Pregnancy can be similar to a hurricane, I suppose, because when you least expect it and think it's a small scale event, it can dramatically change your life in a moment. However, pregnancies are much more fun and lead to a much greater end, a precious little baby who makes it ALL worth it!

Moms and pregnant women, please feel free to comment and add to this list any ideas that have helped you. The more unconventional, the better!



 

fighting to be frugal

Let me give you a word of advice... if you are trying to be frugal and save money, don't move to New York! In my case, there wasn't much choice in the matter, which was a gift from G-d to make it harder for me to get in His way!! I used to be pretty good at being frugal: clipping coupons, repurposing and reusing things, only buying items on sale or on clearance. However, I wouldn't boast in being very frugal at this point in my life. Just about everything costs more in New York! Although I still do all of the things listed above, it doesn't seem to make as much of a difference here. And certain stores that I knew and loved just don't exist here, or I can't get to them! Frugality has become something that I truly have to fight for. Indeed, in our materialistic culture, we all have to fight for it. There is a big difference, however, between spending money on things that we truly need and spending money just to spend money...to fill a void that we are experiencing in our lives. I know that I am certainly guilty of doing both. I enjoy shopping (and it's a good thing that my husband doesn't) for certain things (not groceries). And perhaps because he is the "breadwinner" and provider for our family, my husband is more prone to worry about how much money we have or don't have. I, on the other hand, don't spend much time worrying about where the next dollar is coming from (probably because I am thinking about where I am going to spend it!). The L-rd has truly provided for us in miraculous ways while we have been living in one of the most expensive cities to live in the world! That is no excuse for me to spend money on unnecessary things, though.

In thinking about this, I have come across this verse a couple times in Isaiah (Yesha'yahu): "Why spend money for what isn't food, your wages for what doesn't satisfy?" (Isaiah 55:2) I think that is sometimes the key for us, especially as women, to understand. The world is constantly telling us what we need to spend our money on, but none of it will satisfy.What do you like to spend your money on? I can't say that I look forward to spending money on food. It's usually other things that I think about.

There is a beautiful song that also came to mind. You can listen here: "Jacob's Well" by Nicol Sponberg. This song, especially the second verse: "It's a long hard journey, all the pain it brings... try to quench my yearnings with material things... So I will go to Jacob's well to fill my cup with living water...", sums up what 'shopping' becomes in many women's lives...an unsatisfying and unending quest for fulfillment. It doesn't have to be that way. Let us instead continue our fight to be frugal... for our sake, for our family's sake, and for the sake of telling the world that we have the Living Water-- and it was free.

new adventure and new siddur...

With the new Torah cycle, I have started doing "Torah school" with my toddler. The lessons are only about 5 minutes, but it's fun. My plan is to homeschool my children, and I have also started a new blog just for that journey: http://www.myfreshwineskins.blogspot.com/.
Visit it to check 0ut the siddur we made! I look forward to this new and challenging adventure as my baby grows up!

the reluctant chef

The picture was taken from my daughter's children's Bible. It is Martha in the kitchen, begrudgingly working in the kitchen. (My husband tells me that I look like her at times when I am in the kitchen.) I truly wish that I enjoyed cooking/washing dishes more, but that is why I dropped out of culinary school after 6 months, after all... I could never cook for a living! But I would like to cook more for my family. A good friend (who is a good cook) told me that cooking is like her outlet for creative expression because she doesn't scrapbook or anything like that. Well, I write... so I guess I don't need to express myself in cooking! :)

Becoming a mother has made it even more necessary for me to cook, and also helped me to realize that cooking is one of my ministries to my family. I need to be able to provide good, healthy meals for myself, my husband and my daughter to enjoy. Healthy eating habits are formed at home also, so it's really my responsibility to feed them good food. After three and a half years of marriage and nearly two years of motherhood, I am still learning to view my time spent in the kitchen as a blessing. Slowly, slowly... we are all works in progress.

If you are married (or not yet married) and love to cook, then good for you! Keep it up! But for the rest of us, keep trying to serve G-d as you serve those plates to your family! The only way to truly learn to cook for yourself is to practice! As Michelle Duggar says, practice makes progress! Our husbands and children will appreciate the attempt and the love that we pour into each meal. I am forever grateful to the ladies who gave me recipes at my bridal shower, and I'm actually starting to use them! If you need to buy a wedding gift, a bread machine is a wonderful gift... the bride might take a few years to use it, but when she does, she will be singing your praises! ;)

Happy cooking!

because i said so...

Let me just begin by saying that this issue had me perplexed for months, but I can finally put it into words, (hopefully coherent ones!) Perhaps you've heard of the "deed over creed" understanding in many areas of Judaism today. It was really brought to my attention when I was reading a book on parenting using Jewish principles, "The Blessing of a Skinned Knee," by Wendy Mogel M.D. Though intriguing, I wasn't completed satisfied with the idea. However, through this author's explanation coupled with a message I heard my rabbi teach on spiritual maturity, I have come to understand it much more fully now. Oh, the wonderful lessons we learn from parenting children! (and books on parenting!)
Towards the beginning of the book, the author sums up this "deed over creed" idea as follows: "In Jewish theology, deed carries more weight than creed. This means that G-d is more interested in our actions than in pledges of faith, in how we treat others than in the quality of our prayer. The sages of the Talmud taught that G-d said, 'Better that my people should forsake me but observe my laws, than believe in me but not observe my laws.'" (pp.63-64)

As I read this over and over again, it seemed that something was missing. Doesn't it matter what I believe and how I feel as well as what I do? Then I heard my wise rabbi teaching about spiritual maturity... and the pieces came together. In order to become spiritually mature, we have to "do things" that we don't necessarily understand and/or feel positively about. We have to take G-d at His Word and do what He says, just because He said it. Taking Mogel's words into consideration, she is speaking about parenting children... and we are often like children when it comes to our spirituality. When G-d, our Father, tells us to do something, we sometimes ask "why?" just as we asked our own earthly mothers and fathers when we were young. (And I kid you not, I'm certain I have heard my own daughter ask me "why", and she's not even two years old!) Sure enough, just as it did so many years ago, the answer comes booming back, "Because I said so!" As Mogel mentions, it is commonly understood that in Exodus 24:7, "na'aseh venishmah-- you will do and you will understand" was written in that order for a reason. She writes, "First you do. You are welcome to take your doubts along... Every day, you mine the details for opportunities to elevate, to sanctify, to make order and find meaning. From your actions, you begin to learn G-d's wisdom and see the mark of G-d's touch." (p.241) In other words, just do it and understanding will come eventually.

Just as G-d tells us, "do it anyway," we expect our children to obey us, to not play in the street with matches, to respect others' property, to have manners... even if they don't understand what the big deal is, even if they feel like doing the opposite of what we say, and even if they do it while cursing us under their breath. We are responsible for disciplining our children for disobedience, so that they will learn to do what we say, and more importantly, learn the difference between right and wrong. We cannot alter their feelings, but we can alter their behavior. Likewise, G-d has given us commandments to obey (for our own good). Unfortunately, many of us who are adults physically are still children spiritually, so Mogel's comments apply to us as well. In striving to become mature believers, we must do what G-d says. One day, whether it's here in this world or in the next at the Rabbi's feet, when we become mature, we will understand why we did it....

why my posts will probably be shorter...

Shalom! Wow, I really miss blogging...

Having returned from seven weeks away from home, I'm in the process of getting back on our family schedule, getting our home back in order, and chasing my ever-so-close-to-two-year-old daughter!

In the next year (or however long it takes), I plan to become more serious about writing and publishing a devotional book for messianic women, which is why I started this blog! So if my posts become shorter and fewer, it's because I don't want to post everything that will be in the book... if I do, what's the point of writing the book, right?? So please be patient as I struggle to get these words out of my head and where I really desire them to be.... in a book, in your hands....

Be blessed, and keep reading!

Joanna