RE-POSTED: getting the leaven out: BATHROOM: the beauty of separation

Note: This post is part of a series. Please scroll down for other posts and introduction. Also, this post is NOT intended to be read by men... read at your own risk...


The reason that this subject has fallen under the 'bathroom' label in this series is because it will be about a 'potty talk' subject for women and something that men do not normally like to talk about: menstrual cycles. The reason that I would prefer that men not read it (other than my husband of course) is because I feel that menstruation is something that they should discuss with their own wives or read about it in medical texts.

The heart of this entry will be focused less on the actual menstrual cycle (there are many other places to find that information) and more on what orthodox Judaism calls "family purity" or "the laws of niddah" ...simply stated, abstaining from sex with your husband during your period.

First, let me say that menstruation is a monthly miracle (as hard as that it to believe for us sometimes!) Without it, we are unable to conceive children. Although many would view the laws of "family purity" as archaic or outdated, they really are more a celebration of life and the importance of intimacy within marriage. In Biblical times, a menstruating woman was considered "unclean" and "impure"... and if you really think about it, she was! Before the invention of maxi pads and tampons, what would she use to keep herself clean besides rags or pieces of cloth? That's all there was! So I imagine that she was probably hindered from her usual activities (much more so than modern women) and she had to stay close to home. The label "unclean" didn't mean that she had done something wrong, it simply meant that she was in a state of temporary vulnerability. When the menstrual cycle begins, a woman understands that the possibility for life in her womb at that time has ended, so in essence, there is a whisper of death. The uterus must shed its lining, cleaning itself out for the next opportunity to cradle a child... it is preparing to start over. Quoting again from the book, Jewish Women Speak about Jewish Matters, "when stripped to its essence, a woman's menses signals the death of potential life. Each month a woman's body prepares for the possibility of conception. The uterine lining is built up-- rich and replete, ready to serve as a cradle for life-- in anticipation of a fertilized ovum. Menstruation is the shedding of the lining, the end of this possibility. The presence of potential life within fills a woman's body with holiness and purity. With the departure of this potential, impurity sets in, conferring upon the woman a state of impurity or, even more specifically, niddut. Impurity is neither evil nor dangerous, and it is not something tangible. Impurity is a spiritual state of being, the absence of purity, much as darkness is the absence of light." (p.77)

Impurity is very a hard concept for the modern mind to grasp, because we don't tend to have a very holistic view of how the world and our bodies work. Therefore, science develops birth control pills that manipulate our bodies into having only four periods a year! Obviously, this is not what G-d intended, and I am glad that people cannot stop the cycles of the moon or seasons, because G-d's cycles are meant to teach us about the cycle of life. Even believers have difficulty with this concept, especially since there is no physical Temple standing in Jerusalem. I am not claiming to fully understand it either, but perhaps the impure were restricted from the Temple because they were reminders of death.... menstruating women, diseased or injured people, abnormal or physically "imperfect" people... the only thing that these people would have in common is that they make people ponder death and suffering. The Temple was to be a place of life and worship. Since G-d created the menstrual cycle (and also created some people blind, lame, etc.), these impurities were not punishment for sin.

When a woman of child-bearing age (a.k.a. woman who menstruates) becomes one with a man through marriage, that is when the issue of family purity comes along. There is no physical Temple, so how do we apply this mitzvah (commandment) to our lives? Although I don't believe that menstruating women should be restricted from houses of worship (how embarrassing that would be!), I feel that there is something to be applied here. At the very least, I don't think
G-d intends married women to have sexual intimacy with their husbands when they are menstruating. This is something that my husband and I discussed before we got married, and we do abstain from intercourse during this time of the month. In orthodox Judaism, married couples also wait for seven more days after the end of the menstrual cycle and after the woman has gone through a mikveh (ritual bath for immersion). The mikveh is to show that the woman has become pure again and that her status has changed. Afterwards, she is intimately reunited with her husband. Although I don't have access to a mikveh at this time, I think that this is a beautiful practice, and there are messianic believers who build mikveot for this purpose. Perhaps someday I will also have access to a mikveh, and until then I will apply this mitzvah to my life as much as possible.

If you are new to this concept, perhaps it sounds restrictive. The aforementioned book gives a wonderful perspective that will help us to focus on the benefits (blessings) of applying family purity to our lives: "At first glance, the mikveh system speaks of limitations and constraints-- a loss of freedom. In truth, emancipation is born of restriction. Secure, confident, well-adjusted children (and adults) are disciplined children; they understand restraint and ultimately learn self-control. The drawing of parameters creates terra firma amid chaos and confusion and allows for traversing the plain we call life in a progressive and productive manner. And in no area of life is this more necessary than in our most intimate relationships. Over time, open-ended sexual availability leads to a waning of excitement and even interest. Mikveh's monthly hiatus teaches couples to treasure the time they have together. They count the days until they can be together, and each time there is a new quality to their reunion. In this regard, the Talmud states, "So that she will be as beloved as on the day of her marriage." In this way, they are constantly involved in an ongoing process of becoming 'one flesh.'" (pp.79-80) In other words, family purity not only will prove to be beneficial to marriage if practiced, it can also prove to be detrimental if not put into practice.

Family purity not only benefits the married couple, it benefits us as married women. It offers us a "measure of solitude and introspection. There is additionally, an empowering feeling of autonomy over our bodies, and indeed, over the sexual relationship we share with our spouses... (let me clarify: this 'empowering' should not lead us to try to dominate our husbands or use withholding sex as a weapon for getting them to do what we want. That is not Biblical. It should have more of the effect of raising our self-esteem and causing us to feel good about our bodies, which is always rewarding to our husbands as well)... There is strength and comfort in the knowledge that human beings can neither have their every whim nor be had at whim." (Jewish Women Speak... p. 80)


Because the mitzvot concerning the laws of niddah are Temple-dependent, married couples need to come to an understanding of how they will observe them and to what extent. The important thing is that it is consensual, and both the husband and wife are in full agreement. As messianic believers, we hold Rabbi Sha'ul of Tarsus in high regard and he tells the Corinthians this: "The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; and likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. But this I say by way of concession, not of command." 1 Corinthians 7:3-6

I like to think of my menstruating self as a closed flower, still beautiful to my husband, but temporarily unavailable... until that day that I bloom once again. Let us strive to view menstruation as the miracle that it is (not The Curse, or the unwanted monthly 'visitor"), and seek G-d's face in understanding the importance of cycles and seasons in His creation, including us. During this Passover season, may we rejoice that He has given us a picture of renewal and 'starting over' even in our own bodies. Indeed, we are wonderfully and fearfully made...

RE-POSTED: getting the leaven out: BEDROOM/shomer negiah

Note: this post in part of a series. Please scroll down for other posts and introduction.

"Imagine yourself at a checkout counter. You have never liked shopping at this store because of its less-than-wonderful service. Today is no exception-- you have been waiting to pay for what seems like an eternity. Finally your turn comes. You hand the slow-moving cashier your money. Usually you have to pick up your change off the counter, but today the cashier places it in your hand, and for a brief moment you can feel the warmth of his or her hand on yours. Outside, afterward, you sense something strange. For some reason, you're feeling more warmly toward this store than before. .."
The above quote was taken from "Jewish Women Speak About Jewish Matters," a composition of short articles by Jewish (but not messianic) women. This essay was about the power of touch, the topic of this post. Although there is no direct correlation between this subject and Passover, this series will be concerning topics that I have been pondering in my preparations for this Feast of renewal.
In Judaism, to be cautious with this powerful form of affection is known as "Shomer Negiah," or "guardian of touching." As the book states, "this strikes some people as extreme. But the truth is that for anyone who's serious about getting the most out of a relationship-- and avoiding the pain of failed ones-- being shomer negiah makes eminent sense" for the fact that the power of human touch "can be harnessed constructively or destructively. Touch can be used to comfort-- or to manipulate... and can create illusory feelings of intimacy and make you feel close to a person even when you are not really so close after all, creating many serious problems." (pp.60-61)



The best metaphor to use concerning the power of touch that I have found is electricity. I came to this understanding on an El Al plane returning from one of my trips to Israel. If you've ever made this flight, you know that the plane is scattered with orthodox Jewish people. The men will often make their way to the back of the plane during prayer times, and it is an incredible experience to be a part of. Something that I had been pondering while in Israel was (what I thought to be) a lack of affection between orthodox Jewish couples. Now I understand it much more. On that plane, I begin to think that if the couple in front of me did happen to touch, even unknowingly, I would see sparks fly or something! why? Because this couple did not treat touch as something common or to be shared with just anyone, anywhere, at anytime. To them, touch was sacred. There's an electricity that exists between husband and wife, whether they choose to make sparks fly in public or not. Honestly, most people are uncomfortable in the presence of a couple that shows too much affection in public, right? Well, that day I decided that my husband and I (I was yet to be married at this point) would be shomer negiah, guardians of touch. This can be applied to your life, whether you are married or single.


During our courtship, my husband and I did not kiss, but we did hold hands and hug one another (but if I could go back, perhaps I would change that). There is appropriate touch for an engaged couple. In fact, during our pre-marital coaching, we learned that affirmation is very important for a man, while affection is very important for a woman. While meaningful, non-sexual touch is one way to show affection, there are many other ways as well. This is why in orthodox Judaism, married men and women do not even touch each other during the woman's menstrual cycle (and the seven days following it. I will be writing more about this later). They do this not only so that there is less temptation for sexual contact, but also to learn how to communicate and show affection to one another without touching. They also do not touch people of the opposite sex who are not their spouse or relatives. I think we have much to learn from this principle.

Since I have become a married woman, shomer negiah has become much more important to me. In applying it to my own life, I rarely hug men other than my husband or my relatives. If a man (who is a dear friend of course) approaches me to hug, I don't deny him but i don't get close to him either. I also don't offer my hand to a man to shake, but if he holds out his hand, then I will shake it. Of course, I take into account that there are many cultures who are more openly affectionate than others, and I have never rejected a hug or kiss on the cheek from them, and it's not a huge deal for me in those cases. I am just mindful (cautious) of who, why, and how I am touching, because my body belongs to G-d first and my husband second. Without being rude or making people uncomfortable, I feel that being shomer negiah is healthy... for single people and married couples. Why? Because it is a meaningful way to show G-d that we respect and revere this powerful force that he created, touch. It also shows our spouse (or future spouse) that we honor them enough to preserve even our sense of touch for them and them only. Think about it: the fact that we cannot touch G-d proves that other (perhaps deeper, soul connecting) ways exist to show affection. Let's search our own hearts to learn what those ways are so that we can extend them to those who are made in His image.

the reluctant chef

The picture was taken from my daughter's children's Bible. It is Martha in the kitchen, begrudgingly working in the kitchen. (My husband tells me that I look like her at times when I am in the kitchen.) I truly wish that I enjoyed cooking/washing dishes more, but that is why I dropped out of culinary school after 6 months, after all... I could never cook for a living! But I would like to cook more for my family. A good friend (who is a good cook) told me that cooking is like her outlet for creative expression because she doesn't scrapbook or anything like that. Well, I write... so I guess I don't need to express myself in cooking! :)

Becoming a mother has made it even more necessary for me to cook, and also helped me to realize that cooking is one of my ministries to my family. I need to be able to provide good, healthy meals for myself, my husband and my daughter to enjoy. Healthy eating habits are formed at home also, so it's really my responsibility to feed them good food. After three and a half years of marriage and nearly two years of motherhood, I am still learning to view my time spent in the kitchen as a blessing. Slowly, slowly... we are all works in progress.

If you are married (or not yet married) and love to cook, then good for you! Keep it up! But for the rest of us, keep trying to serve G-d as you serve those plates to your family! The only way to truly learn to cook for yourself is to practice! As Michelle Duggar says, practice makes progress! Our husbands and children will appreciate the attempt and the love that we pour into each meal. I am forever grateful to the ladies who gave me recipes at my bridal shower, and I'm actually starting to use them! If you need to buy a wedding gift, a bread machine is a wonderful gift... the bride might take a few years to use it, but when she does, she will be singing your praises! ;)

Happy cooking!

honor him, honor Him

I was recently asked a couple of important questions by a young man who is engaged to be married in a matter of months. It's amazing what others' questions can accomplish in your own heart and mind. This goes to show that we should all continually be asking questions, not simply for our own benefit, but for the benefit of the one we are asking. Questions have a tendency to stick with us (or with me anyway) and meander around in our heads until they are throughly, honestly, and properly answered. (As a side note, in ministry it is also crucial to ask questions, and there is a good book on the topic called "Questioning Evangelism" by Randy Newman).


The two questions were: "Has your relationship with your husband changed since you had a baby?" and "Does your husband's ministry come first over any career goals you may have?" The answer to both of these was an emphatic "yes," and we touched on both of them in more detail. It turns out that this young man's fiance had been reading "Created to be His Help Meet" by Debi Pearl, which I have written about on prior occasions, so I passed on my blog information for her to be able to read it. If you are a mother and wife, then you know it would be a very long list if I were to mention all the ways a relationship changes when a little person is introduced into it. So perhaps that will be for a later entry... for now, let it suffice to say, "Baby changes everything." Here, I would like to focus on the second question.


More than ever, this is the perfect time for me to write about my husband's ministry, having just moved across the country from Florida to New York in order for him to pursue his master's degree. Just four or five short months ago, I had no real intentions of actually moving to New York, although it was on our radar screen for some time. According to His divine plan and sense of humor, however, G-d had something different in mind, so He brought us here quickly and earlier than expected. As I sit here, a Floridian in the midst of a Brooklyn winter, I have to smile to myself... Did I really want to move here? Not really. But when my husband gets his Master's Degree, will it be worth it? Absolutely! Now that I am here, settling into this New York lifestyle, I realize it's really not that bad and G-d has given me peace about most of the small (and probably unreasonable) concerns and worries that I was replaying over and over in my mind. Although it is very different than what I am used to and out of my "comfort zone," there are just more important things in life than being comfortable (or warm)! As a married woman, honoring my husband is on that list of more important things.


There is much more to be said about this subject, but I found a couple simple lists of ways to honor our husbands. There is an article (blog devotion) that you can read as well. Find it here:

http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/2009/06/r-e-s-p-e-c-t-that-is-what-he-needs.html

This list comes from the article:

Tell your husband that you believe in him!• Don't point out his mistakes, just fill in the gap.• Ask God to show you ways to serve your husband.• Don't ever say "I told you so." • Say "I'm sorry" and mean it when you dishonor him.• Say "I forgive you" and mean it when he dishonors or hurts you.• Tell your husband that you thank God for giving him to you (and be sure you do).• Let him overhear you telling someone something you appreciate about him.• Support and encourage his decisions.• Praise him when his decisions turn out well and encourage him when they don't.• Tell you husband each day about one thing you are thankful for - about his character, his work ethic, his provision, his humor or something he adds to your family.* Several of these ideas are from What A Husband Needs from His Wife © 2006 by Melanie Chitwood.

And here's another list from another devotion: Taking time to at least brush your hair and put some gloss on your lips before your husband comes home at the end of the day.• Committing to regular exercise and taking care of yourself in order to feel better and look better.• Treating him respectfully and watching both your words and tone to him.• Apologizing when you blow it and humbly seeking his forgiveness.• Investing regular, consistent time into "us" by making the effort to plan date nights and secure a sitter.• Really listening to him when he confides in you, not letting your thoughts wander to a "to-do" list.• Spending time with him without feeling like either of us has to talk all the time.• Respecting the differences in each of us, instead of fighting against them.


These are some simple (but not always easy) ways to begin showing respect to our husbands. I feel that as we become habitually honoring to him (and Him), it becomes easier as the years pass. In March, my husband and I will be celebrating our third anniversary. May my respect for him grow stronger with every year that we spend together. And in honoring him, may I honor Him who brought us together in the first place.

do not awaken love until...

"I warn you, daughters of Jerusalem, not to awaken or stir up love until it wants to arise!"

Song of Solomon 8:4

True love waits. I know it's an overused cliche, but it really is a true statement. In order to understand why, we must look at the sanctity of sexuality. If sexuality is one of the strongest forces within a human being that is made in G-d's image, what does G-d have to say about it? What is sexuality anyway and how should we view it as G-d fearing individuals?

In looking for a holistic (rather than biological) understanding of sexuality, I found this quote in one of my favorite books, Toward a Meaningful Life by Simon Jacobson (it's based on the teachings of Rebbe Schneerson, so although I may not agree with everything in there, I have found great wisdom in this book). Jacobson says, "Sexuality is an internal, G-dly energy, a meeting of body and soul, that is nourished by true intimacy, by modesty and subtlety. It can only flourish in a healthy manner in the context of the sacred institution of marriage. Sexuality itself possesses both a body and a soul, a physical and spiritual dimension. Its body is the union of human bodies, accompanied by the deepest physical pleasures. Its soul is the union with G-dliness, accompanied by the deepest spiritual pleasures. When sexuality's spiritual nature is removed or ignored, it can become an irrational obsession that consumes an individual. Sexuality is among the most potent forces in life. It can either lift us to the great heights of self-sacrifice and commitment or lower us into the depths of self-interest and demoralization. Sexuality is never neutral." (p.67)

If sexuality is removed from its proper context (between a husband and wife), it becomes a mere biological function that can never truly be satisfying. For a woman especially, her body and her emotions and her mind and her spirituality are all intimately connected, and if any one of those is experiencing difficulty in some way, the others will most likely be affected. Sex is never just a physical act for a woman, it has to be much more, because she was created for relationship. Some may try to fill a void by being sexually active outside of marriage, but it is a losing battle. In a book called The Thrill of the Chaste by Dawn Eden (don't take this as a recommendation to read it, the quote just resonated with me), the author writes that in today's society, couples "become physically intimate to see if they want to be in a relationship... the underlying concept is the old Freudian conceit that people have sexual "needs", and that these needs can exist either on their own or as the prelude to a relationship, but that it is unnatural to prioritize other types of intimacy ahead of them. Although I myself have these "needs"-- or, rather, desires-- I never really wanted to place them before emotional intimacy. I don't think it's natural for women to operate that way unless they have serious problems with emotional intimacy-- and even then, I don't think it makes them happy." (p.114) I agree. It's not natural for a woman to operate that way, nor should it be. Need I also say, it's not biblical...

Sexuality, especially that of a woman, can also be a powerful weapon, either for good or for evil. Delilah is said to have been a woman who used her sexuality to bring down the strongest man in the Scriptures, Samson. On the other hand, a woman's other needs are oftentimes stronger than her physical desires, so she may find it easier than a man to initiate (and also reinforce) the "boundaries" necessary for a relationship to remain pure and godly before marriage.

A great article has been written on the subject of pre-marital sex and what the Bible has to say. It was written by messianic scholar, Tim Hegg, and it can be found here:

www.torahresource.com/EnglishArticles/TorahMorality.pdf
I remember reading this article with my fiance who is now my husband.

In summary, the most important aspect of a godly relationship is communication, before and after marriage. Communicate with G-d concerning your desires (after all, He created them, and He knows that you have them!), and communicate with your partner. Even a force as powerful as sexuality cannot withstand the united force of G-d, a godly man, and his ezer (strong helper) by his side (that would be you)...

"If you are close when you should be distant, you will be distant when you should be close."

-Rebbe Schneerson

My Hat...

Anyone who sees me often knows that I usually wear a hat when I am away from home. This is my attempt to explain why...

If someone happens to ask me about it, then my short and sweet response is that it reminds me to submit to G-d and to my husband. But there's really more to it than that. In pondering the question of headcoverings, I've found it necessary to compile sources because there are so many different perspectives out there.

If you are familiar with First Fruits of Zion, they recently published an extensive article on this very issue in their Spring 2009 Messiah Journal. Written by an excellent author, D. Thomas Lancaster, he also compiled many views in his piece. I cannot possibly summarize it here (it's really long!), but he basically comes to the conclusion that it is an accepted tradition (and was in the first century) for married women to cover their hair, but it is certainly not a commandment from G-d. However, there are many instances where the tradition is supported and not discouraged in the Scriptures.

I found two traditional websites that give meaningful explanations as to why married Jewish women cover their hair. The first is http://www.covermyhair.com/. Just scroll down a little until the paragraph begins. The second is an article that you can find at: http://www.aish.com/f/rf/48944771.html and it is what I found to be a beautiful response from a rabbi's wife to a woman who has a desire to cover her hair. The rebbetzin goes into the Jewish concept of modesty and it is very interesting. I know I was touched by it...

It seems that this is a halachic issue that each woman (and man) has to come to a personal conclusion about. My conclusion is that I will wear a hat most of the time when outside my home. It helps me remember that I am always under G-d's covering and that He is with me; it reminds me that my most desirable beauty comes from within; it reminds me that I am not my own, but I have been bought with a price... it reminds me that I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine...

do you drip?

I suppose it's significant that I'm writing this on my husband's birthday. He will appreciate it.

"A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike; He who would restrain her restrains the wind, and grasps oil with his right hand." Proverbs 27:15-16

What a passage! It likens a nagging wife to a constant dripping (or imagine the annoying drip of a leaking faucet), and makes it sound impossible to restrain her. I would like to say that I do not see myself in this passage, but I'd be lying.

The most interesting things to me about men and women are their differences. Anyone who claims we are not different is essentially denying G-d's design (and His image) in us. He created us with different characteristics and tendencies to compliment one another. I read a quote, I believe by the Baal Shem Tov, who said that a husband and wife are like two flames that can either come together to make a single brighter flame or they can consume each other...

We women seem to be born to contend with one another and with our husbands. It's something we all struggle with. In fact, in cursing Eve, G-d told her that her desire would be for her husband and he would rule over her (Genesis 3:16). Many take this to mean that she would desire to rule him, but G-d did not intend it that way. Women are created with a great strength to do, to create, to speak out... but that strength has to be kept under control. It seems that the single most effective hindrance (or destroyer) of a relationship for a woman is often her mouth and what comes out of it... and for a man, his silence...

On the other side of the coin, a woman has the gift of healing with her words. Women are said to be the more 'verbal' sex, although some (like me) are often too quiet when it is sometimes necessary for them to speak. But even I (ask my husband) have my moments of babbling (or nagging) when I need to talk. In Proverbs 31, we read that a woman of valor does her husband good and not harm all the days of her life. That would include the words she speaks to him. And in verse 26, "she opens her mouth in wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue." Oh, how I wish that I could say that every time I opened my mouth, I spoke wisdom and kindness!

Let us be mindful today of our words. Are they healing or hurtful? Are they for good or for harm? Are they full of loving instruction or like a leaky faucet? Whether you struggle with nagging, or gossip, or slander, or silence... let us pray to be master of our mouths today... better yet, let us pray that the Master would be master of our mouths today.

growing in love...

In cleaning out the drawers in Elli's room yesterday (getting my stuff out so I can put her clothes in), I found all of my wedding memorabilia that has not made it into a scrapbook yet after two years... pictures, invitations, reply cards, greeting cards, etc. It reminded me of how much fun my husband and I had preparing for our wedding day, and also of the feelings we had at that time.

We "courted" as opposed to "dated" because our intention from the beginning was to get married. We saved sex for marriage and our lips never touched until our wedding day, which was definitely worth every temptation we could have ever faced. We were both working college students with little free time, but we made time for each other...often very late at night! As I think about those months and years before marriage, it always makes me feel younger (now 28 with a baby, I feel old!)

Fresh love is an amazing thing. The emotional and physical feelings that it conjures up, the joy, the excitement... but I have to say that I'm looking forward to our love maturing and growing. When I looked at him on that day back in March 2007, he was my groom. Two years later, he is so much more. He is my partner, my closest friend, my strength, my stability, and the father of my daughter. I love him more as I know him longer. That's how love works. Biblically, intimacy is referred to as 'knowledge' (i.e. Adam 'knew his wife' and she conceived...) because in order to love, you must know who you love. The classic, Fiddler on the Roof, was on television yesterday. One of my favorite scenes is when Tevye asks Golde if she loves him and they break into the song, "Do you love me?."

In the Bible and in previous generations, love was not something you fell into (like a hole) but something you grew into (like a garment). Falling in love is overrated, but meeting that person you want to spend the rest of your life with and growing in love with him is magnificent. Marriage is a Divine institution created by G-d to give us a picture of true unity (Read Yeshua's beautiful prayer in John 17:22 ff.) as two become one, and also to show Yeshua's relationship to His people and how He loves us. It should be a godly relationship with the purpose of honoring G-d's design for marriage and for the purpose of ministry. My husband and I have very similar callings in ministry, and that is what ultimately brought us together by G-d's sovereignty.

I loved every moment of preparing for our wedding day and I love every moment of being married for over two years now. Nevertheless, I can't help but wonder what love feels like after 30 or 40 years together. That undying love that many waters cannot quench (Song of Songs 8:7), that love that is as strong as death (8:6). It is our tradition to read Song of Songs (Song of Solomon) on each anniversary as we did on our wedding night. I can't wait to read it on our 40th anniversary... B"H

to be his helper...

In March of 2007, I married a nice messianic boy. I never anticipated what an incredible blessing and an incredible responsibilty marriage would be.

Biblically, wives are called (in fact, created) to be their husbands' helper. So many take this to mean something that it does not, that the woman is somehow inferior to the man. We are created equally, but with different roles and responsibilties. G-d intended it to be that way, and in my own studies, I have found that He knows what He is doing! Being my husband's helper has brought me unspeakable joy, but it has been harder than I ever thought it would be. It takes much more than submission or a smiling face. It is more like an intricate discipline that must be practiced and intentionally executed. I am still learning...

Probably one of the greatest compliments I've ever received is, while holding a discipleship class in our home, one of the women told me what a good wife I was (and I thought to myself, "wow, have I got her fooled"), and then she explained that I "allowed my husband to be and to do what G-d has called him to". He is a teacher, a father, a son, an employee, a husband... and I am his helper. The most convicting book I've ever read on this topic is "Created to be His Helpmeet" by Debi Pearl, and though it seemed extreme at first, I found it very difficult to refute her using Scripture. The first question that captured my attention... "If G-d created a special woman perfectly suited to be your husband's helper, would you be that woman?" I want to be able to answer 'yes'. How about you?